while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
