Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
