yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize