I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
