it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
