You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
