This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
