i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
