Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
