I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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