You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i permit you to call me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
