The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize