either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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