I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
