dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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