This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
