you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
