I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he thought i was a dude.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
