why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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