the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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