operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
