he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
