i can't believe i had my finger in that
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
