I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
