At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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