the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
