i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
