so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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