Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize