i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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