well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize