Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
