We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
