Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
