i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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