I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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