standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
