Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
