At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We are two peas in an std pod
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
