Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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