he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She said her name was "party"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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