Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
