Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
