You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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