In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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