i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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