Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
