Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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