Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
two words...techno handjob
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
