Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize