Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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