bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
