Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
