I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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