Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
