I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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