im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
