dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
