Don't you send me to vm
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize