First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize