..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
