oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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