She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize