I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
