his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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