i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So squirting runs in the family.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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