one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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