you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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