My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
