It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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