just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
