Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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