yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
